His story, not mine

The hub and I are being baptized at church on Sunday (2/15/15). We were asked to put our testimony on video to be shown before the baptism service. I can articulate much better using written word than in speaking so I decided to write my testimony. As you may have probably seen from previous posts, I really have a tough time stopping once I get started. My “short testimony” ended up being four pages long. Yikes!

When we did the video, Pastor S had the idea for me to read what I had written and they would shoot me from different angles as well as take images of me writing in the diary and reading from it. I talked…and talked…and talked. I told them they could cut everything they needed to out of my testimony to shorten it for service. Pastor A indicated he would rather keep the whole thing intact.

I’m very nervous about this. Not the act itself, I am ready to be baptized. It has taken me a year to get to this point from the time I was saved and I mean it. I am just kinda nervous (okay terrified) about being in front of the whole church getting dunked. Even more than that, I am nervous about having my story out there for the world (our church at first but at some point it may be on the website as well) to hear. My past is not that concerning to me. What is the hardest is putting my diagnoses out there. My darkness. My struggle.  I don’t have to do this, I know that. It is my testimony and it can be told however I see fit. No one asked me to mention my diagnosis. Indeed, at first I had not planned to…

I prayed over it. Even as I did not want to tell it, I felt drawn to include my struggles and my diagnoses, my battle with Bipolar and anxiety and depression. I can only conclude God wants it out there. Perhaps someone else needs to hear it and know they are not alone. So, I took my pen in hand and I put it all out there. I’m still nervous but I am convicted. It doesn’t matter whether I want to tell my story. It is part of my testimony to what God has done in my life – how He saved me when I thought there was zero hope. It is also a testimony to the fact that I will continue to struggle but I must continue to cling to God and allow Him to help me through it. Who am I to argue?

When He stepped in to save me, my story became His story. It is no longer mine alone and I cannot hide it from the world. He wants me to tell the full story. So, that’s what I am going to do. It’s up to Him to send along the people that need to hear it.

Click here to read my full testimony.

Sláinte!